You may be asking What feelings? If you've been pretty well frozen since you went into shock at the time of the abuse or other traumatic event, how on earth are you going to start knowing what it is you're feeling now?

You see others laughing but you don't join in. You see the smiley face but see nothing to smile at. You watch friends, family or total strangers tee-heeing their heads off at some comic's banter or an actor on television or at the movies, and wonder why you feel nothing. That's right, absolutely nothing. While they're practically rolling in the aisles,  tears streaming down their cheeks. Having a riotous time.

There's a physical pain in your chest somewhere. You're hard-pressed to say exactly where although you tried once when you complained to the doctor. The doctor may have reassured you nothing was wrong or perhaps sent you for tests, all of which came back normal. The doctor just does not understand, you think. The hell with him - or her.

Something simmers in your abdomen, a nasty sort of something that makes you want to stomp around and throw things. Or hit somebody. Or injure yourself in some way. Then the doctor will notice; see how much you hurt.

Then another pain in your lower belly kicks in. Makes you feel sick, hot, cold ... And it just goes on...and on...and on. Maybe it's better after all to stay numb.

But hey, what's this? Numb? You pinch yourself. Ouch. That hurt. When you get to a certain point it's time to start the NAME GAME. Name those basic feelings because only by naming them can you decide what you really want to do with them instead of acting out blindly. The basic feelings are: SAD / GLAD / MAD. No, I haven't forgotten terror and fear, those pesky demons . . .

Start with the basics: 

Sad lives in the chest and may cause pain until you allow yourself to cry.
Glad lives in your heart and may make you break into a smile or laugh.
Mad lives in the belly and lower back, glows like a hot coal and may make you do, say, or act out in all sorts of ways. 

There are two rules about rage/anger: No hurting yourself. No hurting others.
 
​More next time . . . 

It would be marvellous if, in our healing journey, we could forget all about the misery of remembering what happened to us and go directly to the next stage. Collect $500 as we go. But this is no game, nor are there any short cuts.

So if Part One was all about flashbacks and memories and coping skills and a lot of hard hard work putting the missing bits of our lives back together, Part Two is about defrosting our feelings and our bodies. Parts one and two 
are inextricably linked. At first this tying together may be a bit more than you bargained for. 

Not only may you find yourself reacting to things in ways you never did before, but the emotions you feel may overwhelm you. This is completely normal. You are not going stark raving mad. When you've had to keep your tears and sadness hidden under wraps, your anger stuffed down, your joy - if there's been even a smidgeon - squelched, to have a moment of real feeling will seem huge. You may not, at first, even know what's happening to you.

My introduction to feelings was telling my counsellor there was something wet on her cheeks. She said yes, she was crying. "Crying?" I asked, stunned. "Why?' "Because what you're telling me is so moving."

Good grief.

And good grief it was too. As well as an appropriate response to parts of my story.


NOTE: Reaction and Response are two different words with two different meanings.