*Isolating - Protection device for coping with feelings of loneliness, shame, rage, pain.
Sometimes leads to depression, self-harm (or hurting another) or suicidal feelings or attempts.
*Self-mutilation - Helps draw attention to inner turmoil and pain. Gives a sense of control in an out of control life. Gives a release for unbearable or overwhelming feelings. Helps relieve numb feelings (physically or emotionally) and return a sense of 'aliveness'. Releases natural soothing opiates in the brain. To self-punish. The abuse was not your fault. Punishment should go to abusers, not you.
*Suicidal Ideas - Powerful stuff. Thoughts, plans, or attempts. Makes you feel like you're in control of your own destiny; that you have choice. Except that your abuser wins. Abusers want our silence above all.
It may not feel like it when you're in deep, terrible pain but it is worth healing. That's why I urge you to get help when you're in crisis.
Remember - In crisis: BREATHE. HAVE A GLASS OR WATER or CUP OFF TEA. CALL A FRIEND or CRISIS LINE or YOUR COUNSELOR. GO FOR A WALK. TAKE A BATH or a NAP.
The abuse wasn't your fault. The shame is not yours. It belongs to your abuser(s).
BE GOOD TO YOURSELF. LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE.