At the time the trauma occurred, perhaps when you were a very small child, you needed to protect yourself from your feelings of terror, rage, shame and abandonment. If you did, you will likely have shut down your other feelings as well. Or you may only have experienced the rage, or only the shame, or only the terror, or only the abandonment. You may never have known there are many subtle shades of feeling in between and at either end. Once you slowly begin taking down your protective walls it gets safer to activate the full range of your feelings.
At first, the emotional intensity of long-suppressed feelings may make your feel like your going crazy - just as your abuser may have threatened. You are NOT crazy. The deeper the grieving, the deeper the healing. And, odd as it may sound, those of us who fall apart often heal faster.
Don't judge yourself if you have to drop out for a while. Working, playing, relating may just be too hard to bear as you pay attention to, and reclaim, your Self. It is no coincidence that this very intense time takes an average nine months. Your level of functioning is not a measure of how well you are doing but part of the process. Things often get worse before they can get better. This is painful but not bad.
It is also a normal part of the healing process to feel childish during this stage. You are coming out of years of post-traumatic stress that began with the onset of abuse. This enormous stress is like the aftershock of an earthquake. You will have to grow up all over again, become your own parent, meeting your unmet childhood needs for appropriate touch, security, safety, trust, support, unconditional love and acceptance.
This time around you are free to be who you really are. You will have the opportunity to grieve loss. You can find supportive people who will validate your feelings, including your sexual and angry feelings. As you begin to re-parent yourself, you may find yourself more interested in looking after yourself - taking a time-out from being sexually active, eating better, even learning to play and have fun.
REMEMBER: It is never too late to have a happy childhood.